Erectile Dysfunction,Erection Problem,Erectile Dysfunction Treatment,Cure Erectile,Cure Erectile Dysfunction - What To Do When You Can't Get An Erection
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What To Do When You Can't Get An Erection
Any man with erectile dysfunction may think he has lost his potency and his masculinity. Being able to get an erection and enjoy sex really is an important aspect of a man's sexual self-respect, so developing an erection problem can have a devastating effect. In short, having an erection is, to most men, a fundamental part of masculinity.
But here's the irony - some sex psychotherapists believe the major cause of losing one's erection is anxiety cased by not getting hard! In other words, once some erection problem has occurred that results in a man losing his erection during sexual intercourse, or not being able to get erect in the first place, he worries about it recurring so much and then he finds he really can't get erect again.
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The somewhat surprising truth is that it's not so unusual for a penis to play up once in a while. This can happen for many reasons: you might not want sex; you might be embarrassed about being seen or heard making love; maybe something went wrong the last time you tried to make love; or even that you were simply too tired. Whatever the reason, you may have seen your erectile failure as a major problem that cast a shadow over your whole identity as a man.
Unless you are emotionally secure enough to accept that these things happen occasionally, your self-doubt may increase, and your erection may be ever more unreliable.
As time goes by, an erection problem tends to get worse. This downward spiral of fear and failure to perform feeds on itself and can lead to you shying away from sex for fear of losing your erection yet again. And, just to make matters even more challenging, a man who is having problems with erectile dysfunction will often find he develops other problems like premature ejaculation.
Of course some men are more susceptible to this type of thinking than other men. A a perfectionist, or a man who thinks he has to be a great performer in bed at all costs, or someone who is very driven by a successful outcome, is likely to see this much more personally than a man who is more relaxed when it comes to sex. And such a man will not tend to think of himself as a man with a sexual dysfunction - he will think of himself as an inadequate man.
So, if you're in this position, that there are certain things that are unlikely to help you regain your erection, including the following: looking for a new sexual partner; looking at porn or enjoying wild fantasies or trying them out; being insensitive during intercourse (e.g. pushing your penis into her as soon as it's erect and reaching orgasm as fast as possible); and even giving up sex altogether.
But the good news is that you don't need to avoid sex just because you have erectile dysfunction! All you need to do is find the right treatment to restore your erection. First of all, remember that an erection is first and foremost a response to physical sexual stimulation (though as you may know it can also be a response to mental stimulation, especially in younger men). If you devote too much time thinking about the possibilities that might happen, anticipating intercourse, and worrying about what may happen when you try again, you may lose touch with your body and your ability to be physically aroused. You need to be in the moment when you're having sex, both physically and mentally.
Next, get a medical check-up for physical problems. Erection failure can be caused by: diabetes, low hormone levels, stress, depression, anxiety, not to mention many prescription drugs, and various other medical problems. All of these things and more can stop you getting an erection when you are sexually aroused.
The classic indication of a physical problem is the total absence of any erections even at night when you sleep. But this is somewhat ambiguous. What if you get a semi-hard penis when you are enjoying self-pleasure (masturbation)?. Unless you are 100% sure of your potency, the best way to check for physical issues is to go and see a doctor who specialises in male issues, one who knows what he's doing.
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Third, deal with any deep-rooted psychological issues. If, for example, you had a childhood in which your mother ridiculed or belittled you, dismissed your feelings or discounted your opinions, needs and feelings, you won't be able to have secure intimate sexual relationship with a woman. The way to treat with this situation is to get some good psychotherapy. If you think you might have repressed homosexual inclinations, or a fear of intimacy, find a therapist who can show you it's safe to be physically or emotionally in relationship with another human being.
A most important fact for some men to understand is that just because you're male doesn't imply you need to be able to go to bed with any lover who comes your way. There's an old saying in the world of sex therapy - "The penis never lies." In other words when you have the chance to have sex with a woman who isn't sexually appealing to you, you can say "thanks but no thanks" and still see yourself as a man! And, should you try having sex anyway and you suffer erectile failure, it means you need to be more selective in your sexual partners!
Furthermore, you don't have to be a sexual superman. A great example of this is that some men believe they need to be the leader at all times during sex. It's these men who may lose their erection for seemingly trivial reasons: for example, when they can't find their partner's vagina, especially when they are on top during sex. Instead of asking their partner to guide their penis in, they just continue thrusting blindly, trying to find the vagina. These guys need to loosen up and remember they aren't alone when they have sex!
And finally, you may be one of those men who needs to be in a loving relationship to have sex and enjoy it. If you are, don't attempt to have sex with any available woman!
Some other facts you may not know abut your penis and sex which may help you in your search for a cure for erectile dysfunction: older men may need physical stimulation of their penis to get an erection; men can have intercourse with a partial erection; erections go and come back as sex proceeds; men often lose their erection when enjoying oral sex or putting on a condom; no man wants sex all the time; it's OK to say "no" to a sexual partner; you may not get an erection if you don't want sex with a particular woman, even if you're naked in bed together.
The best way to deal with erectile dysfunction is to use a treatment program which means you don't have to suffer the embarrassment of seeing a doctor or therapist in person. There is a good self-help program at http://www.end-erectile-dysfunction-now.com Rod Phillips is a sexual therapist with http://www.end-erectile-dysfunction-now.com.
Martha Hamilton
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